My youngest had just hit eleven months when I worked up the courage to take another pregnancy test. I walked in to our home after cleaning our church one Saturday morning, pregnancy tests in a grocery bag. I walked into the laundry room where my husband was and stated, “I think I’m pregnant.” Also, does anyone feel awkward buying pregnancy tests to begin with? Just me? Ok, I digress

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the test reflected what I thought. I was and am pregnant again. I currently am a stay at home momma with three little babes ages five, three, and at the time eleven months (currently my youngest is just a little over a year now!) Of course, my husband and I were incredibly shocked and excited at the thought of having another little baby! However, that feeling was quickly over shadowed with, “What are people going to think when we tell them?”

We were not planning to have another so soon. We still, at the time, had our youngest sleeping in our living room in a pack-and-play. Thankfully, he’s in a crib now and sleeping through the night. When we found out, though, sleep was still a struggle. I’m talking nursing what felt like every hour and no one was getting sleep. We were not in the idealistic space to have another baby (as if there was such a thing).

There was also the cultural norms that rested heavy on my shoulders. We were about to announce a fourth baby. Culturally, it’s strange to want more than two or three kids. Culture teaches that children are a burden. Culture teaches us that they are obstacles to finding our greatest selves. Especially around unplanned pregnancies, culture teaches fear. Why on earth would anyone want to go through having more children?

When our first was born, everyone was excited. When I became pregnant with my second, people were a little more vocal about pumping the breaks. Outside family would say, “Let’s wait until she’s three before you guys try for another, okay?” When we had our third, it was, “Oh, you still want more? I thought you guys would be done by now.” How were people going to react to this? I wanted to soak in the excitement but it seemed impossible.

We held off for a little while until we told people. During that time, I continued to speak truth to my fears. Where culture teaches burden, I spoke “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him,” (Psalm 127:3). We know that children are given to us a intended gifts to reflect the glory of God. This life that is growing inside of me is a gift. A future soul to love, to raise, to pour into, to get to know. Where culture taught unplanned pregnancies are bad, I spoke “..no good thing does He withhold from those who walk upright..” (Psalm 84:11). Where culture teaches they are obstacles to our best selves, I spoke God’s desire for me is to be holy. To lay myself down for another. To deny myself and grow in Christ-likeness. To grow in my dependency on Him. How incredibly beautiful to be given the opportunity to be the woman God desires for me through the growth that motherhood brings. Again, this pregnancy, though we weren’t intentionally trying to get pregnant, is a gift from God in every way. There was nothing to not be excited about.

I also had my own fears about being pregnant that made me more self-conscious of people’s reactions. Pregnancy has always been hard for me, mostly mentally and don’t even get me started on postpartum depression! I continue to remind myself that He will not forsake me in the hard, He continues to redeem and sanctify through every season. I just need to lean into Him and His promises. He has led me through very hard postpartum seasons, surely He will not leave me in this one.

My husband continued to tell me, “The right people will be excited.” A simple thing to say but with so much truth. When it came time to share out news, we made sure to tell those we knew who would be excited first. Let me tell ya, it made a difference. It was so wonderful to share this news with loved ones and have them respond with such joy and excitement for us. Of course, there were still loved ones who responded with, well, let’s just say less joy and excitement. However, being able to hold on to truth while being able to lean into those who were excited for us was so helpful and it helped to removed the shame and negative feelings I felt when we first found out.

So for the one who is scared of what others will think of you having yet another little baby, the one who feels shame or fear, remember the God we serve. Remember that pregnancy and raising children are good and they are some of the ways that He chooses to lavish gifts to those He loves. Those who fear the unknown of the unplanned pregnancy, lean into God’s compassionate care over you and His promise and desire to redeem and sanctify you. Know that though it was not in your plan, it was in God’s all along and He withholds no good thing from His children. Those who feel like the voices of doubt are suffocating, combat them with the truth of what God says. Remember who your people are and surround yourself with those who will echo the love and joy that comes when God gifts us with children. A pregnancy whether unplanned or planned is such a beautiful and sacred thing. Enjoy it, embrace it, don’t let anyone steal that joy mama!