As I have been studying God’s Word and seeking godly counsel, the beauty of God’s creation has been on my heart. The beautiful intricacy, the delicacy of a wing or a flower petal, the vast amount of unique species of animals, plants, trees, minerals. The list is endless! It all points to the intelligent, creative, purposeful hand of our Creator! How arrogant for us to look at mankind and feel that we know what His superior creations should look like. How much do we take away from the glory of our God when we assume that those who don’t act like us, look like us, or learn like us are less than us. Our society does not get to set the standard of beauty or intelligence, or perfection. God does. His Word does. Even those who have not received the gift of salvation do not deserve to have those who have received salvation looking down on them because we wouldn’t even have the gift of salvation if not for God’s perfect mercy and grace (that we sinner, did absolutely nothing to merit.) All of these reflections have me thinking about one thing, my motherhood journey.

Since my motherhood journey, the pangs of my past have flooded into my mind. Past traumas, past hurts, past anger. It has been hard and it has been discouraging and it has left me thinking, “Why did God allow me to have these precious little ones? They deserve better.” There are a lot of things I was not ready for when I became a mother. I was not prepared to be left awake at night with flashbacks of various sexual abuse to plague my mind, leaving me more sleep deprived than necessary. I was not prepared for those dreams to place my mind in my body in a state of being retraumatized, leaving me emotionally unable to show up for my kids in a way that I desire. I was not ready to project pain and anger that I had in my childhood home life due to unhealed and uncorrected lies on my children. I was completely blindsided and often find myself repeating the same lie that many in this position repeat, “They would do so much better without me.” Never considering that our God is in the business of redemption.

That aside, the typical things that bring about mom guilt also plague my mind. There are so many standards for our kids and for us. We are constantly holding our children to the standards of medical opinions, other adults opinions, the other children around them, or even just our own preconceived expectation of how we believe our kids should act. Why are we doing this? Could it possibly be that, much like us and all of creation, our children were created uniquely with different strengths and weaknesses on purpose? Could it be that God has given us, as mother’s, the wisdom to take different approaches within Christian liberty to meet the needs of our children? Could it be that in our own sinful desire to restore perfection, our society screams inadequacy or mistake to our purposefully created weaknesses? After all, without weakness, where is our need for dependency on God?

I have recently felt so much peace looking at Exodus 4:11 where Moses is pleading with God, telling Him that He’s got the wrong man. How often is that my plead with God when He has called me to mother my children due to my flaws and scars! Moses was not a very well spoken man and I’m sure it left him very self-conscious. Perhaps it was a stutter. Or debilitating social anxiety. Or perhaps he just wasn’t able to find the words to say quick enough to satisfy social standards. As a shepherd, I can’t imagine he had much interaction with a lot of people. Honestly, if someone knows in a little more detail, let me know in the comments.

Anyways, in the midst of his pleading, God doesn’t scold him nor belittle him for his weakness. He does not entertain Moses mind in dwelling on his weakness with him, but turns his eyes toward his Creator.

“Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord”

Exodus 4:11

This is the first time the Lord has opened my eyes to the role He’s given to me in this life. I have felt so inadequate, allowing others to step into my roles, pleading like Moses, “Oh, God! I’m too emotional, I’m too broken, I don’t know enough, I’m too….(fill in the blank). Oh me of little faith. God knows us completely, there is nothing hidden from Him. God has placed our children in our care with intention and for a reason. He sees our unique weakness as mother’s and is eager to be made strong where we are weak. It is also the first time the Lord has opened my eyes to the weaknesses of my children and the standards I’ve allowed to sneak by and shape my view of them.

Of course, as parents, we are to teach our children. We get the unique position to know them more closely than anyone else in this season of their lives while they are home in our care. We get the privilege to encourage their strengths and to help them in their weaknesses, showing them that they must run to Christ in their weaknesses and strengths alike.

I would also like to add a side note, when I speak to weaknesses, these are non-sin issues. If the weakness you see is a sin issue (the act of disobeying God according to His Word), be eager to intercede for your child or repent if it is your sin issue. Do not excuse your sin in the name of weakness. Please examine your hearts through the lens of Scripture, repent and lean into your Savior all the more to grow in holiness and grace. His mercies are new every morning and He lavishes us with His grace (Lamentations 3:22-23; Ephesians 1:8), not because we are “good” or have “deserved ” this gift in any way, but because the Lord is good and Jesus’s blood was enough to cover your sinful depravity. Because the innocent God man, Jesus, came and lived the sinless life you and I could never live so that He could take on Himself the wrath of God that we deserved, so that He could lavish us with grace and mercy. So we can now walk in forgiveness, reconciled to out Creator again.

Take heart sister, God has uniquely designed our children and He has uniquely designed us as their parents. Do not be discouraged by this world and the lies of our flesh. Do not be discouraged when you fail, you will. Your failure is never strong enough to ruin what God has made for His glory. Do not be discouraged if your child appears behind or struggles with repetitive sin, God sets the standard and He will redeem them. Do not be discouraged if the advice you receive goes against your God-given conscience or approach to raising your children. Continue to saturate your life in scripture and godly counsel. Fight to keep your foundation settled firmly on the character of God. What a beautiful opportunity to show our kids that God is made perfect in their weaknesses (Corinthians 12:9-10). What the world sees as a thorn in their/ your side may just be a beautiful opportunity for God’s glory to shine all the more brighter!